Last night before going to bed after a long day at work, Panda’s warm glass of milk almost shook out of Panda’s paw when Panda’s last-minute websurfing landed on a video of the “Montauk Monster”
Really? I’m not alone? Is what Panda first thought, gasping at the images of a bloated decomposing body of something that resembles Al Gore’s reoccurring man-bear-pig on South Park except for the fact that the monster is laying on its side and dead. During a moment of chagrin, feeling a kinship with the pale mysterious creature for Panda understands being constantly misunderstood, Panda’s cheeks burned with anger when speculations from ridiculous amateurs spewed forth from the computer over the identity of the man-bear-pig look-a-like – “a turtle without its shell”… “a dead dog”… “a bloated pig”… “a whale fetus” (although this guess secretly intrigued Panda before Panda pushed the thought away)… “a gargoyle”? Come on PEOPLE how undignified!
Panda disapproves! Panda mostly disapproves because the interview posted on Plumb TV with Rachel, Courtney, and Jenna, the officially recognized photographers of the Montauk Monster, is unfair. Why should these all-around average Hamptonites be given all the credit for the golden discovery when in fact it was “a quartet of sun-worshipers from western Suffolk and New York City” who first discovered the washed-up carcass?
“It looked like nothing I’d ever seen before,” said Ryan O’Shea, of Brooklyn [One of the sun-worshipers]. “It looked like it died angry.”
Instead of listening to Rachel, Courtney, and Jenna, Panda reflected on the pearl of wisdom in sun-worshipper Ryan O’Shea’s words.
Many will sadly die angry. But it can be avoided. Panda did eventually manage to go to bed and dream of sugar plums and fairies (the wonderful visual mainstays of China’s Feudal Period), but it was hard.
Panda is awake this morning. Panda just rubbed one black eye, still mad at the various injustices unearthed by the poor Montauk Monster that may ruin Panda’s sleep later in the afternoon.
5 responses so far ↓
Felicia // August 2, 2008 at 9:11 pm |
Love the subliminal smiley face on the upper right. Pure genius.
Brian Tripp // August 3, 2008 at 12:06 am |
Panda, if you told me something showed up on Montauk dead and bloated I would have thought it was the the career of Roseanne Bar of perhaps the fame of Perez Hilton. No, Panda, you’re right the latter is only wishly thinking.
Thanks for the info and the insight. You are wise beyond your animation
Sachi // August 3, 2008 at 12:45 am |
Panda, why can’t I go to bed dreaming of Sugar PLum Fairies after enduring that kind of stress?
John // August 4, 2008 at 5:11 pm |
The “montauk monster” reminds me of a legend told long ago by the Irish domestics who sought refuge and work on the Eastern End of Long Island in the early 1900’s. Escaping the famine and religious tyranny gripping their native land, these hearty but somber folk took to the task of washing the floors and unmentionables of the hemopheliac WASPs with gripping glee. On Sundays, they would adjourn to the beaches for a communal picnic, the men smoking pipes and sipping rot gut whiskey, the woman serving pies and bread and sweet meats. And as the sun dipped down over the horizon, and the liquor and food took hold, one or two of the men would venture a tale of such a monster, a sharp toothed scraggle of a beast who emerged from the surf only upon a full moon, inching his way along the sand in search of human flesh.
Of course, today the Irish still talk of such a blood-thirsty scoundrel in our midst, a hellish creature that prey’s on the innocent, the hopeful, and the good. The name they give it though is not the montauk monster, but something even more haunting: Simon Cowell.
Brunocerous // August 5, 2008 at 11:53 am |
Panda is right to turn away from the undignified splaying of MM’s naughty bits, as well.
Well played, Panda!